It's been almost 3 days since the end of the A's, and I'm feeling extremely unproductive (two days of going out and a day of arranging music. 18629 more files to look through, extremely mundane but of great priority). I have a movie list, a list of books to read, a list of songs to download, classes to sign up for, information to look for... I don't even know where to begin.

So I consulted (my best friend) Google regarding thought processes because I haven't figured out what to do first (in dire need of a schedule). Because I find it strange that people say I'm good at problem solving while my often non-linear style of thinking might suggest I'm not too logical.. (?) Aren't the two supposed to come together? Or non-linear thinking does not equate to being illogical?

dumping ground for random thoughts:

I think I should put a quota on the number of movies I watch.

Sarah told me about Derren brown yesterday.

Feeling a little frustrated that words are not coming to me yet, I feel so emotionally disconnected from myself these days. It's been months since I allowed myself to really "listen to my heart". (with the exception of negative thoughts regarding the examinations, which were too difficult to push away).

These days, I keep catching myself feeling too 'lazy' to think. Then I realised it was cause I was afraid to. By that, I mean I'm always making value judgements of myself and end up running away from problems just cause I feel the first step wasn't good enough to bring me to the next few steps/a conclusion. I think if this goes on I might really become dumb. I hate these value judgements I make, they're so bloody irritating.

I have no idea why I'm feeling extremely guilty for being self-absorbed here when this is a blog. Hahha like a B-log, a brain log.

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Sorry I haven't been replying to texts/messages. I'm honestly a little too used to staying alone at home.